Never trust the food in a restaurant on top of the tallest building in town that spends a lot of time folding napkins.

I've learned that no matter how serious your life requires you to be, everyone needs a friend to act goofy with.

People will generally accept facts as truth only if the facts agree with what they already believe.

The third rule of life is this: Everything you buy today is smaller, more expensive, and not as good as it was yesterday.

The average bright young man who is drafted hates the whole business because an army always tries to eliminate the individual differences in men.

You really can't blame the military for wanting to go to war [in Iraq]. They've got all these new toys and they want to know whether they work or not.

Would a real man get caught eating a twinkie?