The only thing that really bugs me about television's coverage is those damn women they have down on the sidelines who don't know what the hell they're talking about. I mean, I'm not a sexist person, but a woman has no business being down there trying to make some comment about a football game.

Writers don't retire. I will always be a writer.

There is obviously a great human need for religion because life seems to be such a mystery.

It's best to give advice in only two circumstances; when it's requested, and when it's a life threatening situation.

There's nothing people like better than being asked an easy question. For some reason, we're flattered when a stranger asks us where Maple Street is in our hometown and we can tell him.

Most of the people in the world are good and decent if you give them a chance to be.

People will generally accept facts as truth only if the facts agree with what they already believe.