In a conversation, keep in mind that you're more interested in what you have to say than anyone else is.

I've learned that life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.

When there are starving people in the world, it seems wrong that so many of us Americans eat as much for entertainment as for nourishment.

There is obviously a great human need for religion because life seems to be such a mystery.

There are more beauty parlors than there are beauties.

Soap, like people, shouldn't smell like anything.

I obviously have a knack for getting on paper what a lot of people have thought and didn't realize they thought. And they say, 'Hey, yeah!' And they like that.