In a conversation, keep in mind that you're more interested in what you have to say than anyone else is.

Last night we had three small zucchini for dinner that were grown within fifty feet of our back door. I estimate they cost somewhere in the neighborhood of $371.49 each.

I think Dan [Rather] is transparently liberal. Now he may not like to hear me say that. I always agree with him, too. But I think he should be more careful.

I've learned... That life is tough, but I'm tougher.

I've learned... That love, not time, heals all wounds.

The third rule of life is this: Everything you buy today is smaller, more expensive, and not as good as it was yesterday.

One of the things we can be sure of over the July 4th weekend is that news reports will keep telling us how many of us are going to die in automobile accidents.