Bacon is clearly a food made by the Nazis to fatten up Americans. It has no nutritional value, is full of fat, sodium, and nitrates, and is a pathetic type of consumable made from the noblest of creatures.

I'd like to be rich enough so I could throw soap away after the letters are worn off

Some people who hated Americans set out to kill a lot of us and they succeeded [on 9/11]....We're trying to protect ourselves with more weapons. We have to do it, I guess, but it might be better if we figured out how to behave as a nation in a way that wouldn't make so many people in the world want to kill us.

I've learned... That when your newly born grandchild holds your little finger in his little fist, that you're hooked for life.

I've learned that no matter how serious your life requires you to be, everyone needs a friend to act goofy with.

Familiar things are a comfort to us all.

One of the most glorious messes in the world is the mess created in the living room on Christmas day. Don't clean it up too quickly." ~ (1919-), American writer, producer, humorist.