The federal government has sponsored research that has produced a tomato that is perfect in every respect, except that you can't eat it. We should make every effort to make sure this disease, often referred to as 'progress', doesn't spread.

Believing is such a comfort that it's hard to give up a belief just because it isn't true.

Flying is always an unpleasant experience. You wait an hour for every ten minutes you actually spend getting anywhere.

I've learned... That to ignore the facts does not change the facts.

There are sixteen cans of coffee here; together they hold a total of thirteen and a half pounds of coffee. Doesn't that seem like cheating?

All economists should be locked up until they admit that they don't know what they're talking about.

Where some people may see loving grandparents, I see a pair of feckless boobs who can't drive, take way too long to shop, and don't even have the most basic grasps on the new technology. As a staunch supporter of the principles of Darwinism, I think that advances in modern medicine are starting to overrule the survival of the fittest, and it's to our [youngers'] detriment.