The dullest Olympic sport is curling, whatever 'curling' means.

I am not retiring. Writers don't retire. Writers never stop writing.

Yes, we praise women over 40 for a multitude of reasons. Unfortunately, it's not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed, hot woman over 40, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with some 22-year old waitress. Ladies, I apologize. For all those men who say, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?", here's an update for you. Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage. Why? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage!

I've learned.... That when you plan to get even with someone, you are only letting that person continue to hurt you... More

New ideas are one of the most overrated concepts of our time. Most of the important ideas that we live with aren't new at all.

I obviously have a knack for getting on paper what a lot of people have thought and didn't realize they thought. And they say, 'Hey, yeah!' And they like that.

In Washington, a confidential assistant is someone who, if you don't want to know something, you go and ask him and he won't tell you.