Believing is such a comfort that it's hard to give up a belief just because it isn't true.

Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.

It's best to give advice in only two circumstances; when it's requested, and when it's a life threatening situation.

The two biggest sellers in any bookstore are the cookbooks and the diet books. The cookbooks tell you how to prepare the food, and the diet books tell you how not to eat any of it!

My wife uses fabric softener. I never knew what that stuff was for. Then I noticed women coming up to me, sniffing, then saying under their breath, "Married!" and walking away. Fabric Softeners are how our wives mark their territory. We can take off the ring, but it's hard to get that April fresh scent out of your clothes.

I'd be more willing to accept religion, even if I didn't believe it, if I thought it made people nicer to each other but I don't think it does.

Those of us who don't have a party affiliation ought to be able to register under the heading "Confused.