Numbers are the most certain things we have.

All economists should be locked up until they admit that they don't know what they're talking about.

Dogs are nicer than people.

I'd like to be rich enough so I could throw soap away after the letters are worn off

The Super Bowl isn't for kids, I had a great time though and it was worth every nickel of it because by doing this lame piece about the game I can put it on my expense account.

Half the cookbooks tell you how to cook the food and the other half tell you how to avoid eating it.

Writers don't often say anything that readers don't already know, unless its a news story. A writer's greatest pleasure is revealing to people things they knew but did not know they knew. Or did not realize everyone else knew, too. This produces a warm sense of fellow feeling and is the best a writer can do.