I advise keeping four feet on the floor and all hands on deck.

At every party there are two kinds of people - those who want to go home and those who don't. The trouble is, they are usually married to each other.

If you have love in your life, it can make up for a great many things that are missing. If you don't have love in your life, no matter what else there is, it's not enough.

No one knows what a marriage is like except the two people in it - and sometimes one of them doesn't know.

Remember, it takes two to make an argument. The one who is wrong is the one who will be doing most of the talking.

A cigarette is a roll of paper, tobacco, and drugs, with a small fire on one end and a large fool at the other. Some of its chief benefits are cancer of the lips and stomach, softening of the brain, funeral procesions, and families shrouded in gloom and grief. Although a great many people know this, they still smoke in order to appear sophisticated.

You need that guy like a giraffe needs strep throat.