It's impossible for me to hear the words quadruple murder suicide without thinking of my grandparents.
Anthony JeselnikMy perfect night would be going out to an awesome restaurant, then heading over to the Comedy Cellar to hang out with other comics, drinking beers and making fun of each other.
Anthony JeselnikI don't have much racial stuff in my act. And no one's ever really threatened me to my face. Threats on the internet don't bother me so much.
Anthony JeselnikI hated my mom for not letting me play football as a kid. So when I have kids someday, I guarantee they'll never meet their grandmother.
Anthony JeselnikWhen I finished high school, I wanted to take all my graduation money and buy myself a motorcycle. But my mom said no. See, she had a brother who died in a horrible motorcycle accident when he was 18. And I could just have his motorcycle.
Anthony JeselnikMy dad's been having a hard time lately. Keeps on losing his keys. Can't hang on to a set of keys to save his life. And he has tried everything too: little hook next to the door, little bowl next to his bed, keychain makes a noise when you whistle. Nothing worked. So finally, this year for his birthday, the whole family chipped in - and we put him in a home.
Anthony Jeselnik