The true meaning of Christmas is actually centuries of gullibility.

I'm not a comedy writer, I'm a comedian, so I only write stuff that I would want to say.

Hitler really wasn't so bad. In the black way.

I think my friends wife has been banging a black guy. Because they just had a baby. And the baby had a hole in it.

Todd Glass has amazing energy on stage. Dave Attell is one of my favorites because he's a one liner comic who is always incredibly in the moment with the audience. As for newer people, I think Adrienne Iapalucci writes some great, dark jokes and Sean Patton has a hilarious voice on stage.

I want people to just be paying attention even if they're not necessarily laughing at something, or if it takes them a while to get something, I don't mind that. If half the crowd gets the joke and the other half is sitting there scratching their heads, that's just as good for me if I like the joke, because I feel like it just brings people in more.

I'm actually a really nice guy, once you get to blow me.