The true meaning of Christmas is actually centuries of gullibility.

I'll be very busy, which is all I need.

Do whatever you want to do, whenever you want to do it

I'm a realist all the way. I'm too cynical to be an optimist. But I've lived too much of a charmed life so far to ever be a pessimist.

I will never understand how a mother can kill her own baby and not get away with it.

Silence means they [the audience] are paying attention. Even if I drop bombs and they're dead quiet, it's still okay. If they start talking, that's when you've lost them.

Who do you think was smarter, Jesus or Buddha? I mean, just in terms of not letting themselves get crucified.