It's always difficult when someone close to you passes away. But it's really tough when they're on top of you.

When I die, I want to be cremated with everybody.

I let a friend set me up on a blind date. It was a disaster. She ended up being a burn victim. By the end of the night.

I would love to DJ the royal wedding. Just so I could play Candle in the Wind non-stop.

Disasters are funny to me. As a comedian you learn from failure, so I'm always trying to put myself in a situation that does not seem ideal for my comedy and see how it works.

If I tell a joke on stage and the crowd laughs for a minute, I stand there for a minute and enjoy them laughing before I go on to the next joke. On TV, if I stand there for a minute while they laugh, I look like an idiot who can't remember the next joke.

Whenever I meet a pretty girl, the first thing I look for is intelligence; because if she doesn't have that, then she’s mine.