I'm really proud of the album. It's something I always wanted to do but I had to wait until I was ready. Shakespeare is a culmination of eight years of stand up experience and joke writing. I recorded two shows at the Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre in New York. The crowds were great and that's what really makes an album.

I don't have a type, really. But I've always been more attracted to girls who yell fire.

I can't talk politics with my cousin because he's such a hypocrite. He's against the death penalty and he hanged himself.

I would write 100 jokes a day. Most of them were terrible. But I just said, 'I'll write more than everybody else, and that's how I'll get better.'

I will never understand how a mother can kill her own baby and not get away with it.

I'm getting pretty worried. My girlfriend hasn't gotten her period. And she's already 14.

I think my friend Jeff is gay. I don't know - I'm so bad with names.