I think my friend Jeff is gay. I don't know - I'm so bad with names.

I've spent the past two years looking for my ex-girlfriend’s killer… but no one will do it.

I've got a long history of suicid in my family; the good news is it skips a generation, so, if I'm lucky, my kids will kill themselves.

The one thing I've found you really can't joke about - and people think it's death or something - is money. No one thinks it's funny, whether you have it or you don't. Money is just something no one seems to like joking about.

My dad was a complicated man. He was a huge racist, my dad, but he still tried to be a good father, you know? Like, he would tell me that Santa Claus was black - that way, when I found out he didn't exist, it wouldn't be that big a let down.

My girlfriend is Jewish. But it's easier to buy her a Christmas present and then break it into 8 pieces.

I always loved comedy, but it never seemed like something that I could do professionally.