I think my friend Jeff is gay. I don't know - I'm so bad with names.

Katey Sagal, you are an incredible actress. You worked on ‘Married with Children,’ the show that changed comedy, ‘Sons of Anarchy,’ the show that took comedy to a whole new level and ‘8 Simple Rules,’ the show that killed John Ritter.

In comedy, I hate that cop-out where you say, "Just kidding." I know you're just kidding. Don't insult my intelligence by spelling it out for me that much.

Father's Day makes me wish I could talk to my Dad just one more time, instead of all the time.

Of all the ways people save time, I think racism is the worst.

Racist dermatologists think all black people have really bad skin.

I spent all night feeding the homeless to dogs.