I think my friend Jeff is gay. I don't know - I'm so bad with names.

I was always fascinated by forbidden things people didn't want to talk about, like death.

I can't talk politics with my cousin because he's such a hypocrite. He's against the death penalty and he hanged himself.

Silence means they [the audience] are paying attention. Even if I drop bombs and they're dead quiet, it's still okay. If they start talking, that's when you've lost them.

I would write 100 jokes a day. Most of them were terrible. But I just said, 'I'll write more than everybody else, and that's how I'll get better.'

I've always been fascinated by dark subjects, especially people's reactions to them. Why are people so uncomfortable talking about death if everyone dies?

Jeff Ross has been roasting people since Whitney Cummings was nothing but a glint in the eye of the man who raped her mother.