I can't talk politics with my cousin because he's such a hypocrite. He's against the death penalty and he hanged himself.

What do I care if someone doesn't like me. If I like someone other people hate, it makes me feel special. I think my fans feel that way.

Tom Cruise's pre-nup lets him keep his money, the kids and Katie Holmes.

Every year I volunteer at a hospital on Thanksgiving, deep-frying turkeys in the children's burn unit. I do it just to see the looks on their little "faces."

The driving force behind doing everything that I've been doing as a stand-up is having problems with authority and not liking to be told what to do.

I can't talk politics with my cousin because he's such a hypocrite. He's against the death penalty and he hanged himself.

2010 has been awesome. I got to write on the David Hasselhoff Roast this summer, and that's always been a dream.