I can't talk politics with my cousin because he's such a hypocrite. He's against the death penalty and he hanged himself.

I try to retire jokes as soon as I can once I put them on an album. But I can't think of anything I just stopped doing for no reason.

I didn't care about the backlash. I think the reason it was so severe was because they didn't know anything about me in New Zealand. If I had made jokes about a shark attack in the US, no one would have cared.

I actually never acted on "Deadwood." I have meetings all the time where people look at my IMDb page and see that I played the part of "Accounting Clerk" on Deadwood. Actually, I was the accounting clerk for production of "Deadwood."

My girlfriend is despicable. I just found out she flirted with my brother, during my mom's funeral, while I was asleep.

I will never understand how a mother can kill her own baby and not get away with it.

Halloween is just a made up holiday, created by the razor blade industry.