I'm getting pretty worried. My girlfriend hasn't gotten her period. And she's already 14.

Whenever I’m about to have sex with a girl, I play it smart and just automatically assume she has herpes; because that way I don’t have to tell her about my herpes.

I'm very arrogant and mean. I'm almost like a bad guy professional wrestler.

On the show, you have to be more charismatic, a little smoother, but I think I can still be that prince of darkness. You just have to learn the tricks of the TV trade as well.

On Twitter, when someone would die, I would write a joke. Or if there's a tragedy, I would write a joke and tweet it. That was my thing, and then at a certain point, people started demanding it.

I try to retire jokes as soon as I can once I put them on an album. But I can't think of anything I just stopped doing for no reason.

2010 has been awesome. I got to write on the David Hasselhoff Roast this summer, and that's always been a dream.