In a late-night monologue, it's not just about being funny; you have to come off as knowledgeable. You have to cultivate a persona of trust and intelligence and likeability.

Charlie Sheen called his boss on 'Two and a Half Men' a 'Jew ki**' and expected to go back to work. That’s crazy. If you could do that and keep your job, then everybody would do it.

It's always difficult when someone close to you passes away. But it's really tough when they're on top of you.

Watching soccer just makes me wish I was watching Foosball.

I was a weird kid because I liked to be alone, but I craved attention. It was important for me to be cool, but I couldn't keep my mouth shut. So I was either talking for the sake of talking, or I was curled up with a book somewhere hiding from everyone.

What do I care if someone doesn't like me. If I like someone other people hate, it makes me feel special. I think my fans feel that way.

Tom Cruise's pre-nup lets him keep his money, the kids and Katie Holmes.