I didn't care about the backlash. I think the reason it was so severe was because they didn't know anything about me in New Zealand. If I had made jokes about a shark attack in the US, no one would have cared.

My girlfriend asked me if I only love her for her body. I said no, baby. Just parts of it.

My girlfriend is upset about her new haircut. I don't understand why she's crying. I'm the one who has to get a new girlfriend.

I come up with my jokes by thinking of a topic.

My sister is going to have a simple wedding. Just immediate family. And whoever the hell would want to marry her.

I've got a long history of suicid in my family; the good news is it skips a generation, so, if I'm lucky, my kids will kill themselves.

I don't want to wake up with cops surrounding my bed tonight.