I didn't care about the backlash. I think the reason it was so severe was because they didn't know anything about me in New Zealand. If I had made jokes about a shark attack in the US, no one would have cared.

My girlfriend is Jewish. But it's easier to buy her a Christmas present and then break it into 8 pieces.

I don't want to wake up with cops surrounding my bed tonight.

You look like you deep fry your hands before you bite your fingernails.

When I was little, I would burn ants with a magnifying glass. But now that I'm older, I'm more of a cat guy.

Disgusting. I just found my grandpa's Viagra. I swear, I almost puked from eating so many.

My perfect night would be going out to an awesome restaurant, then heading over to the Comedy Cellar to hang out with other comics, drinking beers and making fun of each other.