I try to retire jokes as soon as I can once I put them on an album. But I can't think of anything I just stopped doing for no reason.
Anthony JeselnikI hated my mom for not letting me play football as a kid. So when I have kids someday, I guarantee they'll never meet their grandmother.
Anthony JeselnikSure, my uncle killed himself playing Russian Roulette. But I choose to remember him as a great Russian Roulette player.
Anthony JeselnikMy girlfriend makes me want to be a better person... so I can get a better girlfriend.
Anthony Jeselnik