My great grandmother threw herself in front of a bus. The police tried to say she was committed suicide but the family knew she was just trying to stop civil rights.

I want people to just be paying attention even if they're not necessarily laughing at something, or if it takes them a while to get something, I don't mind that. If half the crowd gets the joke and the other half is sitting there scratching their heads, that's just as good for me if I like the joke, because I feel like it just brings people in more.

I'm fascinated by offensive subject matter. Always have been. It is very natural to me, as any teach I've ever had growing up could attest.

My girlfriend is despicable. I just found out she flirted with my brother, during my mom's funeral, while I was asleep.

The driving force behind doing everything that I've been doing as a stand-up is having problems with authority and not liking to be told what to do.

My sister is going to have a simple wedding. Just immediate family. And whoever the hell would want to marry her.

People are surprised that I'm nice and it helps me out a little bit; it's easy to be nice when everyone thinks you're going to be a jerk but if people think you're a nice guy then it's tough because it's what they expect.