My great grandmother threw herself in front of a bus. The police tried to say she was committed suicide but the family knew she was just trying to stop civil rights.

I'm interested in doing some acting in the future, but it's a distant second to stand up.

Whenever I meet a pretty girl, the first thing I look for is intelligence; because if she doesn't have that, then she’s mine.

I'm trying to teach my girlfriend how to surf. But I just end up yelling at her the whole time. Because I don't know how to surf.

The best way to break up with a girl is like I'm taking off a band-aid. Slowly and in the shower.

My neighbor complains every time my girlfriend and I have sex. We're not even that loud. But he used to date my girlfriend.

One of my favorite things on the show was just getting to do my own monologue and talking about someone who killed themselves, or making a joke about some horrible tragedy - I love being able to fight for and get on TV. I just think it's so different.