The first time I had sex, I didn't know what I was doing. It was a relief when the whole thing was over after just 45 minutes.

On the show, you have to be more charismatic, a little smoother, but I think I can still be that prince of darkness. You just have to learn the tricks of the TV trade as well.

I'm inspired by making people laugh at subjects that should make them cry.

An offended audience member repeating a comedian's act from memory is worse than, literally, anything.

My perfect night would be going out to an awesome restaurant, then heading over to the Comedy Cellar to hang out with other comics, drinking beers and making fun of each other.

Im not the voice of reason; Im more the guy using these offensive topics as fodder to raise tension in a joke.

In comedy, I hate that cop-out where you say, "Just kidding." I know you're just kidding. Don't insult my intelligence by spelling it out for me that much.