I'll be very busy, which is all I need.
Valentine's Day was created by the greeting card industry to get pussy.
2010 has been awesome. I got to write on the David Hasselhoff Roast this summer, and that's always been a dream.
Larry King is so old, he's actually one of the Jews that killed Christ.
I'm not a comedy writer, I'm a comedian, so I only write stuff that I would want to say.
I prefer to sleep with deaf girls. Those crazy chicks never have a safe word.