When I was seven, I broke my leg playing soccer. Just to feel something.

Mike Tyson, what can I say about you that hasn’t already been the title of a Richard Pryor album?

Who do you think was smarter, Jesus or Buddha? I mean, just in terms of not letting themselves get crucified.

I like to play pranks on my girlfriend, you know, keep things fresh for me, make me laugh, you know? She hates it. But like, the other night, I put Saran wrap over the toilet seat, you know, which doesn't sound that original, but she's bulimic.

I had written for Jimmy Kimmel and Sarah Silverman in the past. Jimmy had a different voice, and different priorities. He couldnt be the bad guy in the joke; he couldnt upset people, really.

I was raised Catholic. I rejected it later on. I'm an outspoken atheist now. People say, 'Oh, it's a negative thing to be an atheist.' I don't agree. I think it's more optimistic to think that there is no God, no afterlife.

I like seeing what the comedian thinks is funny, not just what they think I'll think is funny.