I don't think people shouldn't try to be edgy, but you have to take what the audience says to you in consideration.

My girlfriend is upset about her new haircut. I don't understand why she's crying. I'm the one who has to get a new girlfriend.

When I was little, I would burn ants with a magnifying glass. But now that I'm older, I'm more of a cat guy.

I wish my family had taken more pictures when I was growing up. Instead of always having to draw everything.

This past Christmas, I told my girlfriend for months in advance that all I wanted was an Xbox. That's it. Beginning and end of list, Xbox. You know what she got me? A homemade frame with a picture of us from our first date together. Which was fine. Because I got her an Xbox.

Valentine's Day was created by the greeting card industry to get pussy.

There is nothing that's off limits. If people think something is off limits, I make it my business to go make a joke about it; that's my job.