I don't think people shouldn't try to be edgy, but you have to take what the audience says to you in consideration.

You know how everybody has that one weird creepy uncle? Well, Seth Green looks like he got raped by all of them.

My girlfriend is despicable. I just found out she flirted with my brother, during my mom's funeral, while I was asleep.

My girlfriend is Jewish. But it's easier to buy her a Christmas present and then break it into 8 pieces.

My girlfriend makes me want to be a better person... so I can get a better girlfriend.

Of all the ways people save time, I think racism is the worst.

I think the reason I became funny was because if I made people laugh, they would let me keep talking.