I tell very mean jokes.

The driving force behind doing everything that I've been doing as a stand-up is having problems with authority and not liking to be told what to do.

I was a weird kid because I liked to be alone, but I craved attention. It was important for me to be cool, but I couldn't keep my mouth shut. So I was either talking for the sake of talking, or I was curled up with a book somewhere hiding from everyone.

When I die, I want to be cremated with everybody.

In comedy, I hate that cop-out where you say, "Just kidding." I know you're just kidding. Don't insult my intelligence by spelling it out for me that much.

I'm very arrogant and mean. I'm almost like a bad guy professional wrestler.

I've got a long history of suicid in my family; the good news is it skips a generation, so, if I'm lucky, my kids will kill themselves.