Do whatever you want to do, whenever you want to do it

In the second grade, I would just get bored and a joke would pop into my head and I would have to say it. It was almost like I had some brilliant novel in my head that I had to get down, and I would interrupt class all the time and get in trouble.

I want to marry the kind of girl that walks out of an abortion clinic with a lollipop.

I was always fascinated by forbidden things people didn't want to talk about, like death.

The true meaning of Christmas is actually centuries of gullibility.

I do dark [humor]. I like people who are silly and weird and people who are surprising and good at what they do.

Doctor just told me I can't have kids. I asked for a second opinion. He said, Why? No one's gonna to let you take kids from this hospital.