My ultimate goal is to do whatever I want, whenever I want to do it. And that keeps changing. I didn't want to host my own show until I wrote for someone else's.

Every comic went through their Mitch Hedberg phase - the glasses, the hair in the face - and you knew immediately when they were doing it.

Father's Day makes me wish I could talk to my Dad just one more time, instead of all the time.

It's always difficult when someone close to you passes away. But it's really tough when they're on top of you.

Larry King is so old, he's actually one of the Jews that killed Christ.

I don't get back as much as I'd like to, so I don't have a lot of close ties [Pittsburgh], but I'll bleed black and gold until I die.

I would love to DJ the royal wedding. Just so I could play Candle in the Wind non-stop.