People say it's easy to make fun of retarded people, but it's not. You really have to explain it to them.
Anthony JeselnikSure, my uncle killed himself playing Russian Roulette. But I choose to remember him as a great Russian Roulette player.
Anthony JeselnikThe best way to break up with a girl is like I'm taking off a band-aid. Slowly and in the shower.
Anthony JeselnikI loved Stephen Wright, and I loved Mitch Hedberg, but they seemed like geniuses you could never emulate. You'd just be ripping them off.
Anthony Jeselnik