The world is full of horrible things that will eventually get you and everything you care about. Laughter is a universal way to lift your head up and say: 'Not today, you bastards.'

Everyone has the same kind of fears; everyone has the same big problems in the world, which is, like, fear of death and I hope horrible things dont happen to my family, but they do. And I think people laugh at them as this great release.

The world is full of horrible things.

I can't talk politics with my cousin because he's such a hypocrite. He's against the death penalty and he hanged himself.

Sure, retarded jokes write themselves. But the spelling is always way off.

My mom, for most of her life, was a Holocaust denier. And it was terrible for the entire family to have to deal with until, finally, a couple years ago, we had an intervention. And we had a rabbi come into the home, had him walk her through the history of the Jewish people, and then he made her watch "Schindler's List." And after that, my mom did a complete 180. Now she can't believe it only happened once.

I was always cutting words. I even would write my jokes in my notebook. I still do this, almost like a poem.