I have a twelve year old sex doll. Brand new.

Sure, retarded jokes write themselves. But the spelling is always way off.

Disasters are funny to me. As a comedian you learn from failure, so I'm always trying to put myself in a situation that does not seem ideal for my comedy and see how it works.

I prefer to sleep with deaf girls. Those crazy chicks never have a safe word.

I like to play pranks on my girlfriend, you know, keep things fresh for me, make me laugh, you know? She hates it. But like, the other night, I put Saran wrap over the toilet seat, you know, which doesn't sound that original, but she's bulimic.

I didn't care about the backlash. I think the reason it was so severe was because they didn't know anything about me in New Zealand. If I had made jokes about a shark attack in the US, no one would have cared.

Sure, my uncle killed himself playing Russian Roulette. But I choose to remember him as a great Russian Roulette player.