I come up with my jokes by thinking of a topic.

I try to write three jokes every morning, although I don't know what they are. I write them as fast as I can, then I put them away for a month. So I couldn't even tell you what they are, or if they're good. I just assume they weren't.

I'm inspired by making people laugh at subjects that should make them cry.

Every night, my girlfriend comes home from work, and she brings with her a houseplant. She's like, 'Anthony, I had to pick this up. We need a houseplant in our apartment.' And every night, I make her return it. I say, 'No way, baby. You can't take care of a houseplant. You couldn't even keep your baby alive.'

I do dark [humor]. I like people who are silly and weird and people who are surprising and good at what they do.

Watching soccer just makes me wish I was watching Foosball.

I wish my family had taken more pictures when I was growing up. Instead of always having to draw everything.