I do dark [humor]. I like people who are silly and weird and people who are surprising and good at what they do.

I was a terrible employee. I've been fired from almost every job I've ever had, luckily, in a good way, or else I'd be stuck. I would always joke around with everybody, and no one enjoyed my humor.

My sister is going to have a simple wedding. Just immediate family. And whoever the hell would want to marry her.

Usually the beginning of a story that people hear a lot. For example, "My girlfriend is upset about her new haircut" or "My dad keeps losing his car keys." And then I just think of different ways the story could end. "My girlfriend is upset about her new haircut. I don't understand why she's crying. I'm the one who has to get a new girlfriend." Then I try it out on stage. I don't do a lot of re-writing. My jokes either work or they don't. The trick is just to write a ton of jokes.

I don't have a type, really. But I've always been more attracted to girls who yell fire.

Disasters are funny to me. As a comedian you learn from failure, so I'm always trying to put myself in a situation that does not seem ideal for my comedy and see how it works.

Yesterday I accidentally hit a little kid with my car. It wasn't serious — nobody saw me.