I do dark [humor]. I like people who are silly and weird and people who are surprising and good at what they do.

I want to marry the kind of girl that walks out of an abortion clinic with a lollipop.

My girlfriend asked me if I only love her for her body. I said no, baby. Just parts of it.

I'm interested in doing some acting in the future, but it's a distant second to stand up.

I want to get a tattoo of the word irony, only misspelled.

I want people to just be paying attention even if they're not necessarily laughing at something, or if it takes them a while to get something, I don't mind that. If half the crowd gets the joke and the other half is sitting there scratching their heads, that's just as good for me if I like the joke, because I feel like it just brings people in more.

I try to retire jokes as soon as I can once I put them on an album. But I can't think of anything I just stopped doing for no reason.