My dad's been having a hard time lately. Keeps on losing his keys. Can't hang on to a set of keys to save his life. And he has tried everything too: little hook next to the door, little bowl next to his bed, keychain makes a noise when you whistle. Nothing worked. So finally, this year for his birthday, the whole family chipped in - and we put him in a home.

I do dark [humor]. I like people who are silly and weird and people who are surprising and good at what they do.

I got an email from my ex, telling me that she has AIDS. I didn't know how to comfort her, so I just wrote back I know.

I feel worthless. My girlfriend was attacked on the subway yesterday. And I can't even enjoy it.

I would write 100 jokes a day. Most of them were terrible. But I just said, 'I'll write more than everybody else, and that's how I'll get better.'

I enjoyed writing for someone elses voice, but I wasnt very good at it.

It's always difficult when someone close to you passes away. But it's really tough when they're on top of you.