My dad's been having a hard time lately. Keeps on losing his keys. Can't hang on to a set of keys to save his life. And he has tried everything too: little hook next to the door, little bowl next to his bed, keychain makes a noise when you whistle. Nothing worked. So finally, this year for his birthday, the whole family chipped in - and we put him in a home.
Anthony JeselnikDisgusting. I just found my grandpa's Viagra. I swear, I almost puked from eating so many.
Anthony JeselnikMy girlfriend wants an open relationship. I said no way. What kind of man would I be if I had to tell my friends I date you?
Anthony JeselnikEvery Sunday my dad calls to ask if I went to church. And every Sunday I lie and say: Sorry. Wrong Number.
Anthony JeselnikOne of my favorite things on the show was just getting to do my own monologue and talking about someone who killed themselves, or making a joke about some horrible tragedy - I love being able to fight for and get on TV. I just think it's so different.
Anthony Jeselnik