Sure, retarded jokes write themselves. But the spelling is always way off.

My great grandmother threw herself in front of a bus. The police tried to say she was committed suicide but the family knew she was just trying to stop civil rights.

I want to marry the kind of girl that walks out of an abortion clinic with a lollipop.

I can drink like a fish, or at least, someone born with fetal alcohol syndrome.

My girlfriend is upset about her new haircut. I don't understand why she's crying. I'm the one who has to get a new girlfriend.

The opposite of sad is down's syndrome.

I'm not a comedy writer, I'm a comedian, so I only write stuff that I would want to say.