I spent all night feeding the homeless to dogs.

God, that Anthony Jeselnik Show sounds really funny.

I feel like every first episode of a TV show is bad, you know, and it always improves.

I don't ever want to have kids of my own. But I do want a lot of kids.

Dark humor appealed to me because it was a bigger laugh than you could get with anything else. Seeing people laugh at something inappropriate with their whole bodies, a guttural, visceral laugh beyond a mere "hah."

It's always difficult when someone close to you passes away. But it's really tough when they're on top of you.

Sure, retarded jokes write themselves. But the spelling is always way off.