Wayne Brady, I don’t understand why people keep joking that you’re not black. Wayne Brady, you are BLACK. After all, I only remember you for all the years you played an uppity slave on ‘Who’s Line is it Anyway?’.

I love Pittsburgh. Most of my family still lives there and I try to get back a couple of times a year.

Tom Cruise's pre-nup lets him keep his money, the kids and Katie Holmes.

Sure, retarded jokes write themselves. But the spelling is always way off.

I killed a squirrel once with a car. Twice with a tennis racket.

I was a terrible employee. I've been fired from almost every job I've ever had, luckily, in a good way, or else I'd be stuck. I would always joke around with everybody, and no one enjoyed my humor.

Donald, I'm not sure if you're even aware of this, but the only difference between you and Michael Douglas from the movie, Wall Street, is that no one's going to be sad when you get cancer.