I wish my family had taken more pictures when I was growing up. Instead of always having to draw everything.
Anthony JeselnikMy girlfriend is despicable. I just found out she flirted with my brother, during my mom's funeral, while I was asleep.
Anthony JeselnikYesterday I accidentally hit a little kid with my car. It wasn't serious — nobody saw me.
Anthony JeselnikEvery night, my girlfriend comes home from work, and she brings with her a houseplant. She's like, 'Anthony, I had to pick this up. We need a houseplant in our apartment.' And every night, I make her return it. I say, 'No way, baby. You can't take care of a houseplant. You couldn't even keep your baby alive.'
Anthony Jeselnik