I was a terrible employee. I've been fired from almost every job I've ever had, luckily, in a good way, or else I'd be stuck. I would always joke around with everybody, and no one enjoyed my humor.

I let a friend set me up on a blind date. It was a disaster. She ended up being a burn victim. By the end of the night.

Disasters are funny to me. As a comedian you learn from failure, so I'm always trying to put myself in a situation that does not seem ideal for my comedy and see how it works.

I think brilliant stuff comes out of working with limitations. One liners are very limiting, but that's what drew me to them in the first place.

Everyone gets laid off and everyone in Hollywood gets unemployment for six months while they're looking for a new job. So I would just do stand-up for six months and think I was really making it, and when my unemployment ran out, I had to get another job immediately.

I could see myself adopting a kid someday. But, obviously, I'd prefer it to be aborted.

I'm a comedian and there are a lot of things I'm still learning. I love one liners because I love smart jokes. I also don't like complaining about society or whining about my life on stage.