Donald, I'm not sure if you're even aware of this, but the only difference between you and Michael Douglas from the movie, Wall Street, is that no one's going to be sad when you get cancer.

The opposite of sad is down's syndrome.

When I die, I want to be cremated with everybody.

I have a rare form of body dysmorphia in which I absolutely can't stand how good I look.

My neighbor complains every time my girlfriend and I have sex. We're not even that loud. But he used to date my girlfriend.

I come up with my jokes by thinking of a topic.

I want to get a tattoo of the word irony, only misspelled.