Tom Cruise's pre-nup lets him keep his money, the kids and Katie Holmes.

I think the reason I became funny was because if I made people laugh, they would let me keep talking.

If I tell a joke on stage and the crowd laughs for a minute, I stand there for a minute and enjoy them laughing before I go on to the next joke. On TV, if I stand there for a minute while they laugh, I look like an idiot who can't remember the next joke.

Racist dermatologists think all black people have really bad skin.

My girlfriend was just killed in a car accident. Devastating. I can't believe I'm only going to have sex with her one more time.

It seemed fun to play a villain on stage and I wanted my jokes to be so good that I could just calmly tell them on stage.

I love Pittsburgh. Most of my family still lives there and I try to get back a couple of times a year.