I grew up in a poor family. I had to cut everyone's hair, because we didn't have money for entertainment.

Yeah we're not together anymore. She has got - she has got a new boyfriend now. They just moved into together. And I've heard rumors that he is abusive, which makes you want to go over there with a baseball bat. And then blame it on her boyfriend.

I never knew if I would get my own show, but I knew I loved stand-up.

I know her in the biblical senseand when I say that, I mean I don't believe a word she says.

2010 has been awesome. I got to write on the David Hasselhoff Roast this summer, and that's always been a dream.

I think a theater show is a pure version of me doing my material. The theater crowd is a bit more polite, there really aren't hecklers, and there are a lot of people there to see me, and they're excited about the jokes and hanging out with me for a show.

Disgusting. I just found my grandpa's Viagra. I swear, I almost puked from eating so many.