I grew up in a poor family. I had to cut everyone's hair, because we didn't have money for entertainment.

On the show, you have to be more charismatic, a little smoother, but I think I can still be that prince of darkness. You just have to learn the tricks of the TV trade as well.

Larry King is so old, he's actually one of the Jews that killed Christ.

I'm not a comedy writer, I'm a comedian, so I only write stuff that I would want to say.

My first time on stage was the class "graduation" at the Comedy Store. It was awesome. Everything got huge laughs and I just thought I knew how to do comedy.

Charlie Sheen called his boss on 'Two and a Half Men' a 'Jew ki**' and expected to go back to work. That’s crazy. If you could do that and keep your job, then everybody would do it.

Watching soccer just makes me wish I was watching Foosball.