I try to retire jokes as soon as I can once I put them on an album. But I can't think of anything I just stopped doing for no reason.
Anthony JeselnikMy ex-girlfriend owned a parakeetโฆoh my god, that f**king thing would never shut up. But the bird was cool.
Anthony JeselnikWhenever I meet a pretty girl, the first thing I look for is intelligence; because if she doesn't have that, then sheโs mine.
Anthony JeselnikIn a late-night monologue, it's not just about being funny; you have to come off as knowledgeable. You have to cultivate a persona of trust and intelligence and likeability.
Anthony Jeselnik