Sure, my uncle killed himself playing Russian Roulette. But I choose to remember him as a great Russian Roulette player.

I’m not a religious person; I would call myself an atheist. I don’t have a good story behind it, I’m just reasonable.

An offended audience member repeating a comedian's act from memory is worse than, literally, anything.

Larry King is so old, he's actually one of the Jews that killed Christ.

I didn't care about the backlash. I think the reason it was so severe was because they didn't know anything about me in New Zealand. If I had made jokes about a shark attack in the US, no one would have cared.

I'm getting pretty worried. My girlfriend hasn't gotten her period. And she's already 14.

I've spent the past two years looking for my ex-girlfriend’s killer… but no one will do it.