My sister just had a baby, a little newborn. The kid is adorable, so cute. She wouldn't let me hold him, she refuses. She says, 'No way, Anthony, I'm afraid you're gonna drop him.' I'm 32 years old. Like I'm some kind of idiot. Like I don't have a million other ways to hurt that baby.
Anthony JeselnikWhenever Iโm about to have sex with a girl, I play it smart and just automatically assume she has herpes; because that way I donโt have to tell her about my herpes.
Anthony JeselnikI don't think Metallica sits around all day wondering why country music fans don't embrace them.
Anthony Jeselnik