What do I care if someone doesn't like me. If I like someone other people hate, it makes me feel special. I think my fans feel that way.

I would never hit a woman - even if she had a knife or a stutter.

I spent all night feeding the homeless to dogs.

I'm actually a really nice guy, once you get to blow me.

I think my friend Jeff is gay. I don't know - I'm so bad with names.

Every year I volunteer at a hospital on Thanksgiving, deep-frying turkeys in the children's burn unit. I do it just to see the looks on their little "faces."

It seemed fun to play a villain on stage and I wanted my jokes to be so good that I could just calmly tell them on stage.