I try to retire jokes as soon as I can once I put them on an album. But I can't think of anything I just stopped doing for no reason.

I wish my family had taken more pictures when I was growing up. Instead of always having to draw everything.

My girlfriend is Jewish. But it's easier to buy her a Christmas present and then break it into 8 pieces.

I was raised Catholic. I rejected it later on. I'm an outspoken atheist now. People say, 'Oh, it's a negative thing to be an atheist.' I don't agree. I think it's more optimistic to think that there is no God, no afterlife.

I think some people just don't know that much about comedy. It would be like a person who didn't know anything about football thinking all offensive linemen are the same.

My favorite part of going to a wedding is ruining the wedding.

Childhood obesity affects all pedophiles.