I'm trying to teach my girlfriend how to surf. But I just end up yelling at her the whole time. Because I don't know how to surf.

I had a happy childhood in a nice suburban area, pretty idyllic, upper middle class and very, very white. My dad is an attorney. My mother is a housewife. They had five kids in seven years: me, my brother, and three sisters. I'm the oldest. We were all very active. My mother was exhausted.

Wayne Brady, I don’t understand why people keep joking that you’re not black. Wayne Brady, you are BLACK. After all, I only remember you for all the years you played an uppity slave on ‘Who’s Line is it Anyway?’.

I know her in the biblical senseand when I say that, I mean I don't believe a word she says.

There is nothing that's off limits. If people think something is off limits, I make it my business to go make a joke about it; that's my job.

I don't ever want to have kids of my own. But I do want a lot of kids.

I like the idea of being the funny guy in the dramatic thing, playing a hit man with a weird sense of humor.