On the show, you have to be more charismatic, a little smoother, but I think I can still be that prince of darkness. You just have to learn the tricks of the TV trade as well.

I've got a kid in Africa that I feed, that I clothe, that I school, that I inoculate for 75 cents a day. Which is practically nothing compared to what it cost to send him there.

I grew up in a poor family. I had to cut everyone's hair, because we didn't have money for entertainment.

I was a weird kid because I liked to be alone, but I craved attention. It was important for me to be cool, but I couldn't keep my mouth shut. So I was either talking for the sake of talking, or I was curled up with a book somewhere hiding from everyone.

Every Sunday my dad calls to ask if I went to church. And every Sunday I lie and say: Sorry. Wrong Number.

I like to read, but otherwise I'm just your average, self-obsessed comedian. It's pretty much all I think about.

Todd Glass has amazing energy on stage. Dave Attell is one of my favorites because he's a one liner comic who is always incredibly in the moment with the audience. As for newer people, I think Adrienne Iapalucci writes some great, dark jokes and Sean Patton has a hilarious voice on stage.