The best way to break up with a girl is like I'm taking off a band-aid. Slowly and in the shower.
Anthony JeselnikMy girlfriend wants an open relationship. I said no way. What kind of man would I be if I had to tell my friends I date you?
Anthony JeselnikWhen I was little, I would burn ants with a magnifying glass. But now that I'm older, I'm more of a cat guy.
Anthony Jeselnik