I’m not a religious person; I would call myself an atheist. I don’t have a good story behind it, I’m just reasonable.

I don't get back as much as I'd like to, so I don't have a lot of close ties [Pittsburgh], but I'll bleed black and gold until I die.

I like seeing what the comedian thinks is funny, not just what they think I'll think is funny.

Silence means they [the audience] are paying attention. Even if I drop bombs and they're dead quiet, it's still okay. If they start talking, that's when you've lost them.

I was a terrible employee. I've been fired from almost every job I've ever had, luckily, in a good way, or else I'd be stuck. I would always joke around with everybody, and no one enjoyed my humor.

I let a friend set me up on a blind date. It was a disaster. She ended up being a burn victim. By the end of the night.

When I was little, I would burn ants with a magnifying glass. But now that I'm older, I'm more of a cat guy.