Whenever I’m about to have sex with a girl, I play it smart and just automatically assume she has herpes; because that way I don’t have to tell her about my herpes.

Hitler really wasn't so bad. In the black way.

The true meaning of Christmas is actually centuries of gullibility.

Mike Tyson, what can I say about you that hasn’t already been the title of a Richard Pryor album?

I think my friends wife has been banging a black guy. Because they just had a baby. And the baby had a hole in it.

I know her in the biblical senseand when I say that, I mean I don't believe a word she says.

There is nothing that's off limits. If people think something is off limits, I make it my business to go make a joke about it; that's my job.