I'll be very busy, which is all I need.

Wayne Brady, I don’t understand why people keep joking that you’re not black. Wayne Brady, you are BLACK. After all, I only remember you for all the years you played an uppity slave on ‘Who’s Line is it Anyway?’.

Child molesters must all think they've got huge dicks.

I love Austin, but last time I was in town for twelve hours. I was exhausted, drunk and miserable. But none of that was Austin's fault.

I enjoyed writing for someone elses voice, but I wasnt very good at it.

An offended audience member repeating a comedian's act from memory is worse than, literally, anything.

I'm actually a really nice guy, once you get to blow me.