I like to read, but otherwise I'm just your average, self-obsessed comedian. It's pretty much all I think about.

I think the reason I became funny was because if I made people laugh, they would let me keep talking.

I try to retire jokes as soon as I can once I put them on an album. But I can't think of anything I just stopped doing for no reason.

When I was seven, I broke my leg playing soccer. Just to feel something.

Doctor just told me I can't have kids. I asked for a second opinion. He said, Why? No one's gonna to let you take kids from this hospital.

My great grandmother threw herself in front of a bus. The police tried to say she was committed suicide but the family knew she was just trying to stop civil rights.

I've got a kid in Africa that I feed, that I clothe, that I school, that I inoculate for 75 cents a day. Which is practically nothing compared to what it cost to send him there.