I like to read, but otherwise I'm just your average, self-obsessed comedian. It's pretty much all I think about.

My girlfriend is Jewish. But it's easier to buy her a Christmas present and then break it into 8 pieces.

I come up with my jokes by thinking of a topic.

Sure, my uncle killed himself playing Russian Roulette. But I choose to remember him as a great Russian Roulette player.

I don't think Metallica sits around all day wondering why country music fans don't embrace them.

Wayne Brady, I don’t understand why people keep joking that you’re not black. Wayne Brady, you are BLACK. After all, I only remember you for all the years you played an uppity slave on ‘Who’s Line is it Anyway?’.

I never knew if I would get my own show, but I knew I loved stand-up.