I like to read, but otherwise I'm just your average, self-obsessed comedian. It's pretty much all I think about.

I don't have a type, really. But I've always been more attracted to girls who yell fire.

I killed a squirrel once with a car. Twice with a tennis racket.

I don't want to wake up with cops surrounding my bed tonight.

It was important to me to be cool as a comedian. I didn't want to be a crowd-pleaser who sent out the vibe of, "I need you guys." I wanted to be so cool that the audience could leave and I would still be killing, that I didn't want to have to rely on them or need them. That really appealed to me.

The opposite of sad is down's syndrome.

There is nothing that's off limits. If people think something is off limits, I make it my business to go make a joke about it; that's my job.