I could see myself adopting a kid someday. But, obviously, I'd prefer it to be aborted.

Valentine's Day was created by the greeting card industry to get pussy.

I'll be very busy, which is all I need.

On the show, you have to be more charismatic, a little smoother, but I think I can still be that prince of darkness. You just have to learn the tricks of the TV trade as well.

I can stand by a tweet. But Comedy Central said they couldn't publicly support me, unless I deleted it. I wasn't about to tell the people who work for me that they didn't have jobs anymore because I wasn't going to delete a stupid tweet.

My girlfriend is despicable. I just found out she flirted with my brother, during my mom's funeral, while I was asleep.

I'm interested in doing some acting in the future, but it's a distant second to stand up.